Well I’ve been back on the juice (prednisone) for a week now. I was adamant about not taking it anymore, but I have to admit, I am glad my doctor talked me into it. I’m only on 2.5mg, but I feel so much better today than I have in months. I don’t know that I am in any less pain, but I have a ton more energy, so facing the pain is easier.
But….there is always a but….I haven’t slept very much in about a week. Last night I layed down at about 1:30am (my hubby and I keep late hours), and I don’t think I fell asleep until about 6am. Then I got up with the dog at 8:30. I should be exhausted.
I layed in bed, physically drained. I was too tired to even roll over, but I could not shut my mind off. I turned on an insomnia meditation podcast – and I listened to the whole thing! It was really boring – but no sleep. I listened to something called binaural beats – these weird alien sounds that are supposed to induce your brainwaves into a sleep state – I just kept thinking that aliens were coming to get me. I tried just laying in the quiet darkness and that didn’t work either.
So, around 10am I was feeling really tired, so I layed down, and wouldn’t you know it – I was out like a light. I swear I am just programmed to sleep during the day! Hubby came home and woke me up at noon and asked me if I wanted to go to the mall. I have really been wanting to go the bookstore, so I should have been excited, but considering my lack of sleep I said no – I wanted to go back to sleep.
Thirty seconds later, guilt was picking at my brain. I needed to get moving. “Okay. I’ll go.” I dragged myself to a hot shower, fought back a few tears and got dressed. By the time we were on our way, I felt pretty good.
We had a great day shopping. Hubby even gave me a small shopping spree at the book store and I bought some history books I been wanting. I bought two novels by Philippa Gregory, the author of “The Other Boleyn Girl,” and I can’t wait to get started on them. (I’m a history buff). I walked nearly the distance of the whole mall – which isn’t too big – maybe 1/2 mile? I felt a little physically tired, but not in pain. I felt motivated! I haven’t felt that in ages!
So, believe it or not, when we got home and my husband was getting dressed to go the gym for his nightly workout, I said “I wanna go with you.” What? Did those aliens from last night take over my voice box? Or my brain? I haven’t been to the gym since maybe August of last year! I figured I could try to ride on the stationary bike a little while he worked out. I could try at least.
So, off to the gym we went. I honestly had to wipe a few tears away as I entered the building. I had so many fond memories of this place. I was once so strong and fit. And now….well… I tried to let the sadness and frustration motivate me. I managed to do ten minutes on the stationary bike. Every few seconds the computer screen would flash “pedal faster”, and I would get ticked off. But, I pedaled faster.
Almost immediately, my knees were screaming. I’ve never really noticed too much trouble with my knees, but it was apparent now! It felt like there were tiny pebbles inside my knees that were just grinding with every rotation. But I gutted it out. I thought it might get better – but it didn’t. After ten minutes on the bike, I moved to the elliptical machine.
I’d never really used this machine, even when I was a workout queen. Surprisingly, it felt pretty good. My knees were still on fire, but I think if I had started on the elliptical, I would have done okay. There was nearly no impact at all. My muscles burned, but in a good way, and I almost broke a sweat. I couldn’t go fast enough to really start breathing hard or anything, but I’m sure my heart rate was elevated well enough. Ten more minutes on the elliptical, then a few ab exercises and I was struggling to walk out on my shaking limbs.
I feel great. I’m happy. I feel like I accomplished something. I’m going to curl up in bed with my new books, and pray to God that I don’t regret this tomorrow! Or….maybe I’ll feel even better tomorrow if I can get some sleep. Aliens: “Stay away tonight!”